Talk:Salamanders out of the Shade/@comment-26595384-20170131154254
Creativity: 5/5 Character involvement: 4/5 Use of Scenarios: 3/5 Riddle Answer: 2/2 Overall Story: 3/3 Grand Total: 17/20 Great job Holo and Dagger, I thought your story was an interesting read and didn't have that choppy feel that most multi-user stories have, so that made it easy to tell what was going on most of the time. So just some of my thoughts as to why I marked you down on a few things: The first and foremost thing that I marked down on was the use of character's in your story. I thought that both Yu and Calypso were underutilized and served as little more than a space to move the plot along. Yu was only used in the first trial as a tester for the wyverns strength, she stood off to the side to direct on the third trial, and was only the body to climb to the button (didn't even use her magic to help her). Calypso did a bit more, though she wasn't even mentioned in the crate challenge at all. The big thing that I couldn't get past was the use of the scenarios though. The first scenario was fine, though I thought you could have done something a bit more creative to get the wyvern back in, rather than just use brute strength. The cerebus scenario started off strong, as you guys gave good description of your deductive reasoning to find out what the trial was about, but the execution had some flaws for me. First off, I got the impression that you guys were in a cavern of sorts (i.e a confined space), but Calypso decides to fill it with "toxic gasses" for visual effects that would definitely affect her comrades as the fumes circulated in the tight space. Not the best idea to have used toxic fumes...Then you also have someone lift up the giant paw of the dog to get the riddle, which although you say it would take no notice, I would think it would know if someone was moving its had. But I kinda let that slide anyways, minor detail. The crate challenge was another big thing for me as far as the "use of scenarios", although it was creative of you to have the riddle piece be part of the crates, I don't believe the trial itself would have allowed for it. Having to stack and restack the boxes twice would waste valuable time as the ceiling was coming down, probably blocking off your chance of escape considering the challenge told you that "time was of the essence". Not to mention that these boxes were probably heavy for the three people pushing them, as Albus could push them "not without effort" and Yomura "pushed with all her might, feeling it budge but move very little"; telling me that it wouldn't have been the quickest assembly and reassembly. So given the nature of the time sensitive challenge, I think it sacrificed the essence of the challenge in order for you to find creativity in it. The final scenario also had some logical flaws in my opinion, but again, I believe it was for the sake of creativity and character involvement. I know Albus made a tiny tunnel for someone to enter in, where Nina altered the gravity field inside (something she could have just done to the whole room), and Homura raise the ground for her. If this were the case, all other team members aside from Yu would still be subjected to the gravity changes, making it hard for them to keep concentration on supporting Yu inside the tunnel. Also if Yomura was raising the ground inside, why did Yu have to climb? Couldn't Yomura just have made it like an elevator shaft? Would have been a lot simpler, but then Calypso wouldn't have been involved, so I can kinda see why you didn't do that. Overall I thought it was pretty creative, and was an entertaining read for sure. It showcased the bonds that your guild members have with one another, so I look forward to seeing that strength in the upcoming matches for SS. Great job overall.